I got this e-mail the other day:
From Jana Lofer
My Dearest ,
I am the above named person. I am married to Mr. Odman Lofer who before his death was a wealthy cocoa Merchant here in Cote d”Ivoire . We were married for 26 years without a child.
My Husband left the sum of US$3,800,000.00 million United States Dollars in a fix/suspense account in one of the prime bank here in Cote d”Ivoire . Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not exceed more than five more months due to cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is my blood pressure sickness. Having known my condition I decided to seek for your kind assistance to transfer this fund into your account and you will use it to train my adopted daughter who is 16yrs. You will take her as your God child and bring her up in a good and decent manner with what my late husband left behind.
I took this decision to contact you because of my condition and for the facts that my husband relatives wants to size everything and throw my adopted daughter out of the inheritance.So I want to use this little time I have to achieve this arm before joining my ancestors.
All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us seeing this deal through. Please indicate your interest and willingness in this transaction by writing back to me urgently and providing me the following information to enable us proceed.
FULL NAMES: ____________________________________
DATE OF BIRTH:___________________________________
COUNTRY OF RESIDENCE:__________________________
YOUR PRIVATE EMAIL ADDRESS:_____________
I want your maximum cooperation and keep this as confidential for security reasons.I am sincerely waiting for your kind and urgent response as soon as your receive this mail.
Thanks and God bless you.
Mrs Jana Lofer
I two finger typed the following reply:
Thank you very much for getting in touch with me. When I read your heartbreaking story I was very overcome with strange emotions. I am very racist in nature, and don’t really fall for sob-stories. However your plight affected me deeply. I found myself with a small bit of poop peeping out of my bum hole.
I would love to help but do not have my details on hand as I am working on an oil rig in the middle of the north sea. The weather is nice, but the Seagulls won’t load properly. This might be an issue with the software.
“Suck ma toot”.
Oh well. That’s it for now.