Cooking up a storm…

Here is some meat. I was walking about down by the Don today, and I found a carcass. I thought "waste not want not" and took it home. It was fairly fresh, and was easy to Gut. I chopped and trimmed. Soon it was ready for cooking...
I steeped the mystery meat in herbs and Worcester sauce. I left it for a few hours to get really stinky.
Here I am browning the meat. That's jist cooking it a wee bit. It smelled pretty tragic at this point. But I had the upmost confidence in a quality outcome...BIG FLAVOURS!
Meat placed in dish. Gravy made and added. I put the oven on a good while before.
I fancied some Carrots. So I chucked in some frozen ones. They would cook nae bother amongst that gloop.
Put the dish in the oven. Bish-Bash-Bosh. You fucking bell-end!
Now, to prepare the tatties. They grow in the ground you know. It's like witch-craft or something.
this is a sink. you may have one in your house too if you are middle class.
skin removed, tatties ready for boiling.
BOIL! fucking BOIL! we have gas, it's a bit dangerous.
Time for a break. Glass of wine, and look at pictures of war crimes on the internet.
Tatties ready. Now to add butter, milk and black pepper. careful now.
Knob of butter, and a shower of pepper. There's no hard and fast rule about quantities- it's more of a gut instinct thing man...
Mash the fuck out of them. You don't really need a mashing tool like this, if you don't have one use your fists, or a tin of Lager.
add a splash of that white stuff that comes out of cows udder's. Cows mind, not the Bulls. DO NOT pour white stuff milked from a Bull into your tatties.
Fold the mixture till it looks like mashed tatties.
time to choose plates. Denby plates are good, but any plate will do.
hmmm, choosing cutlery- note how well organised our cutlery repository is. I feel your envy.
food on plates: it is all about presentation- it helps that I'm a bit of an "arty cunt".
serve. That's it.

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