Compare and contrast: Returning to ABZ/City of the Dead.

this is a compilation post- Im  *IMMAH clearing out a lot of half finished ideas and draft posts- I’m not finishing or expanding on them at all. I don’t give that much of a shit. –

Life is all about noticing that things have changed, the glorious contrast of it all- appreciating where you are, and where you’ve been. Like going from glorious technicolour to grainy and gloomy black and white. The inverse of The Wizard of Oz.

I have just made this transition, from Melbourne to Aberdeen.

Aberdeen is a dump, there’s no two ways about it, currently Aberdeen is making the National news over here amidst a catastrophic Oil Crisis ( you may have heard) and along with all the chat on supposedly nurturing and supporting the Energy Sector in ABZ there is the usual violent recriminations about how North Sea Oil has been mis-managed by the racist SNP party- who control Scotchland in a grip not since seen since the Nazi party seized power in Germany. Honestly- you could not make up some of the content being generated around this hot topic. The SNP are- to steal a phrase- a lightning rod of blame and EXPOSED TO THE indignant irrational CHUNTERING OF what can only be described as SEPTICTANKS.

“And why won’t those bloody nationalists pipe down FFS? They lost the indyref- it’s time for us all to pull together and fix the damage done to Scotland by the SNP . Now you’ve had your festival of YES- it’s time to grow up and come back to reality and vote Labour.”


So I’m back into the usual, this is the second week back in Aberdeen, and I suppose I’m slowly adjusting. It’s really fucking cold here, snowing and all the rest. There is something slightly amusing at looking at my feet when I get home from work, I fling off my socks and there the strange evidence is- my toes are blue and cold but my feet are STILL bearing the sun-tan marks of my thongs in Australia. Hmm.

this is a compilation post- Im clearing out a lot of half finished ideas and draft posts- I’m not finishing or expanding on them at all. I don’t give that much of a shit. –

Here’s a pile of incoherent garbled crap I typed whilst in OZ-

RELIC: Some points will be redacted to protect the innocent.


A rough Open Office note taking exercise.

It was a blur man……

I probably won’t make this an official blog post, it has nothing really to offer the casual reader.

The worst thing is the Plane. Imagine that crucible of small scale irritation, trapped into a small space for days- with all the utter pish that goes with it. Nappie changing, Psychotic episodes, general crawling the walls claustrophobia. It was not any fun at all. The in flight entertainment was okay, I’m absolutely at a loss as to what films I watched, it was all erased. Like a flashnam- and man I know as much about those hideous lurid 3d flashbacks to my time in ‘Nam more than anyone at this table.

This is great, last time we came to Australia I stupidly didn’t bother taking my laptop, this time I did- and for filling in idle hours it should be handy. It made it through all the border control and customs stuff- remarkably trouble free. I was reading various stuff about travelling with your laptop and decided that it would be better to take it as hand luggage rather than stowing it in the main cases. It came in handy as Isla threw a mental fit at Kula Lumpy airport- I managed to isssue some peppa pig and that daft mao meow show- whatever its called.

Something strange happened on the plane- I would quite happilly have murdered the wife and kids at certain stages, but it was a passing phase that came in waves- Isla taking a screaming fit-

That’s it, that’s all I have typed since arriving here about two weeks ago. WE’VE BEEN BUSY. Arrive safe and alive, then a few days later we were into the Christmas/New Year thing, interspersed with shopping, wandering about, getting really sunburnt (me mainly, in that retarded Scottish twit abroad I neglected, and still continue to give suncream/block a severe swerve. I savagely burned my feet man, I was wearing flip/flops which thanks to hilarious Oz TV Show Housos I now properly call THONGS at a late afternoon BBQ on a roof terrace down by the beach- crosslegged and pale my blue feet caught the sun badly in a few hours. Lesson learned. Thankfully I’m not peeling as yet. Mind you I’ve never done that since I was a kid- my skin must have changed, sloughed off a few thousand layers like a lizards lifetime.) other stuff included finding a local park that’s really guid- up there with Seaton Park in ABZ, plus you ken the weathers pretty guid. The weather. It really IS like Aberdeen a bit- it can be raining one minute, blazing sunshine the next. Jumper on, jumper off and tied round ones waist the next. The mean temprature is well up there though. ITS NICE. I FEEL CHIRPY MOST OF THE TIME, which is really odd because I’m a miserable cunt.

Today I’m groggy- feeling a bit cold/snot ish- probs got the same bug Isla has been struggling with on and off throughout the trip. A boon was granted today ( a rarity) as the weather was going to be s

So far it’s been really good, last time we came we were under a lot of pressure to get stuff done, because a trip to OZ is one of those- lifetime trips, I should know I use it to get three weeks of holiday off my work during the dreaded holiday blackout Christmas period pretty much every year. Scam the scam, why not?

They only pay you, they don’t own you.

OOOOOOOH! As well as getting pretty hooked on funny OZ show HOUSOS, which I’m hoping to locate on DVD or in other formats (Mckenzie fucking loves it, it’s like an OZ version of Shameless with perhaps a touch more pathos – and THONG BASED BEATINGS)- last night I watched a wee episode of VIKINGS, it was pretty yo-yo-not as good as GOT- till some guy started showing this priest his huge collection of Roman Scrolls, that was a good scene, and the lead viking is pretty guid as well, kinda acts with his EYES, like Brad Pitt does in some of his best work- Fight Club, Kalifornia etc. Grabbed the lot off torrents right now. Might watch a few as I’m on baby sitting duty as the wife and sister in law are OOT. FOR.DINNER


Aye, so last time we had less time as well and there was a lot to pack in, we hit the Aquarium this time again, but that was mainly for the daughters benefit, she has a Penguin cuddly toy we got last time we were over and at age just over two and a bit years old she’d joined the dots of our parental chat about OZHOLIDAY and knew she was getting to see the real thing in the furry shit flecked flesh on her big trip.

RE: the aquarium.

It’s changed man,

They changed the running order, last time it was straight into the Penguins- this time the penguins were saved to last, it caused me no end of mental torture. To be fair the penguins were a very exciting prospect, but once you’ve seen one through a six inch deep wall of acrylic then the novelty wears off pretty soon. Unless you’re a kid I suppose- filling those little brain-boxes full of happy memories.

It’s Wednesday, we have two days left- Thursday- really and we fly out at three in the afternoon on Friday. It feels like we’ve done a hell of a lot of sitting around, I mean we did a fair bit of tourist stuff- but the majority of the time was locked into the FESTIVE stuff, Christmas and New Year, afore I knew it it was the last weekend and I’d nae really done much.

I had planned to meet up with various folk over here from back in Scotchland but to be honest the whole thing with dragging the kids about is REALLY hard work. ( please to be reminded that I’m over that milestone age of 40- and I really can’t be arsed!) To be fair, at least the wife got at least one night out on the town with her sister, and the pair of them were pretty dead the next day, but that’s pretty fair- most of the holiday I’ve spent outside on the patio with her sister getting smashed. Nae bad. I’m a bad influence apparently- but I’m going straight edge for January- the fact that it’s already january and I’ve made no attempt to become a clean living type causes me little or no concern. It’s the thought that counts, not the time scale, I might be going by a different calender- so my January might start when we touch down in dreary Aberdeen.

Since we got here the kids have been in tandem lurgy mode, Isla has had the worst of it really, starting just before we got on the plane- but, aye, for pretty much all the time the wee cow has been here she’s been suffering from a cold type illness, and after new year Mckenzie started to go down a similar route. It’s a tough gig with the kids, personally I think I should have just got a fucking dog. But Dog’s are needy as well. I think the main problem for them was the air-conditioning over here, I think it’s fucked the pair of them up a guid deal going from quite cold to sometimes sweltering and stifling humidity.

I’m not sure if I’m actually going to publish this pish. It’s making me slightly bored reading/typing it.

Today was cool, we all battered onto the train at St. Kilda to get into the centre of Melbourne- mainly to get to the big Museum. It was well worth a trip- loads of Dinosaur Bones, Stuffed animals and SADFACELESTWEFORGETSWW1STUFF.


We also did that 1000 step memorial thing the other day, out in the hills : (Bellgrave?) I’ll have to look it up a bit, was cool- and we also did Puffing Billy ( steam train) the brats seemed to enjoy that a lot.

We also did Kangaroo’s – at some rescue place the other direction another day. I’ll have to slowly go through all my photo’s. I hardly used my Canon Camera at all, I took it out a couple of times but always forgot the thing, and left it under the seat in Elaine s 4X4. That’s pretty much par for the course though, I rarely use the thing nowadays, mostly I use my phone- the Camera on it is no too shabby. It’s just about what works best.


All boxes ticked. Seems at least time we did more activities.

We are finally back now, the trip back went okay really, we only really came unstuck on the way back from Amsterdam to ABZ, the pilot tried to land twice in nasty windy conditions, first time she aborted before we even got close, climbing up and out for a nice circle of Aberdeen- I got a nice view of those giant oil supply boats stacked up out in the deep water around the harbour, second time I think we hit the ground, the wee plane wobbled and she pulled us up pretty savage like. It was fun. We ended up in Edinburgh and eventually got a bus up here. We also lost suitcase No:2 but the airport delivered that just now. Guid job because my camera and all our really important gadget charging stuff was in that one. (first world problems, am I right?)


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