On Wreckage

That story about being a lang time deid, the one where folk are wakened up from sleeping. I found this half finished chunk of stuff that gives an explanation to the mysterious substance WRECKAGE. It’s like it’s all part of one jumbled and garbled narrative.





The transcription of his notes, converted into text, then laser cut into Lino (WHERES MY LINO) OR WOOD, SUPPLIED BY THE W.O.U.L.D GROUP- henceforth re-branded imaginatively as W.O.U.L.D.

On Wreckage: ( the wakey wakey gear).

Mr Kribbage, he starts the decay, picking his feet in early morning, early Autumn. A leisurely activity out on the porch of his passive-aggressive cabin house in the woods. Picking his skin, laying down the scurls to dry out. Brittle husks, as he became a brittle husk.

Under his breath he hums a half finished song, from back in his musical period in Aberdeen, so long ago now.


You fucking cunt, you flappy winged horrorshow Gull, you shat on me.


Later on that night, as the lamps burned low and the fire settled into a muted glow in the hearth I remarked upon his great change in appearance since my last visit. Perchance he to would have knowledge of the sacred dance of cross platform content delivery, the massive fanny.

He uncoiled himself,gangly weathered limbs cracking- holding my gaze for what seemed like an age, pulled a long drag from his pipe and explained it thus:

“I’m deciduous, this is the price I pay for my constant renewal in the spring. I suffer this every winter…and you are perhaps the first person this decade that his been privy to my pain- and my secret..”

a gentle hail of skin drowsed the table as he spoke…an avalanche of rotting amber dandruff.

I realised that he had for some reason allowed me to see this process, allowed or simply craved someone else to bare witness..whether it was real or not remained to be seen….I didn’t feel privileged to say the least, this was something that the man could have kept to himself. There was no reason for me to know this.

Perhaps, perhaps. I could imagine that somehow I had been colluded out here in the middle of nowhere with a deluded and possibly dangerous lunatic…fair enough a mentalist with some sort of wasting disease….he was rotting before my eyes……

His pipe huffed deftly, coils of heavy smoke arced from his lips and nose. It seemed at the time there was some evidence of smoke emerging from his ears as well but this may have been a flight of fancy on my part.

My phone buzzed on the table.

“I have to take this call” I said scooping up the plastic yap-box,(Phart-smone) recognising the number flashing on it’s concealed display panel. I picked up my semi drained glass of Glennfiddich and retreated to the kitchen.

“Hi Allan”

“where exactly are you? I’ve been ringing you for the last half hour min, been round your flat as well like- are you down the toon or sommat?”

“na, last minute thing I’m out the road..something came up, will you cover for me at the meeting? It’s mostly you’re words anyhow- I dinae really feel right about presenting it anyhow”

“erm, aye okay. Look this is a bit short notice, but I reckon i’ll manage. If I was a ponce I’d call this highly irregular y’ken…”

Allan chuckled dryly into the phone. Clattering in the backround, street sounds.

“cheers min, I reckon I’ll be back in town the morrow, I’ll gei you a shout in the afternoon, maybe hit the Bells or the Prince weather permitting..”

“Tidy, it’s a date you aids ridden hoor.”

I clicked the phone off. He seemed okay about it. This was pretty standard for Allan- I knew that panic would kick in several minutes before he made his way to the podium to begin his presentation and it would probably be downhill all the way from there. My role was usually to try and keep the guy calm, he was talented and once relaxed was a convincing and engaging speaker, keen to get his ideas across and not afraid of meandering off the main track to illuminate his points in a way that laymen could relate to. And lay-women as well obviously, but that was Allan’s true calling- but that tale is too lengthy to relate here.

Anyhow, that was not what troubled me now. I refilled my glass from the best of the clutter of bottles lurking in the kitchen. I snuck a look at Mr Cribbage in the lounge. He was absent-mindedly peeling and hacking at his calloused hands.

I first met Mr Kribbage three months before, in the university library. I had been doing some research in to James V I’s infamous Demonology tome and also investigating the famed genesis of the Necromnicon written by the mad arab. I really was getting nowhere fast, I had loads of notes: countless dry and academic Journal articles and citations but nothing of real interest. I had found some links between the necromnicon and James’ blasted paranoid writings…In fact I began to suspect that HP Lovecraft had not concocted the book as a narrative device but had actually seen and read passages of some ancient manuscript that King James had also had access to. To put it bluntly my brain was boiling with half-facts and tenuous speculation, and I was running out of time. The group funded many academic exercises- and mine was a minor task but I always got more material from genuine field work. This speculative intellectual stuff was a real struggle to me. I was looking forward to the final part of the assignment, actually speaking to the small group of individuals in Aberdeen who were adamant that they had encountered the great king of Scotland and England in the recent past. Far fetched I know, but this was the kind of dubious circles I moved in.

Curious. Very Curious, Mr Kribbage as it turned out was the co-ordinator of the Universities collection of King James’ surviving written material. I began to find myself locked in conversation with the man during my breaks from searching the archives.

He was, when I first met him, a classic Academic, Tweed and corduroy and a permanent quizzical squint. He was myopic and a glad handing misogynist, whether the latter was ironic I could never fathom.

I gathered very quickly that he was a drug addict. After a few chats over coffee and cigarettes our relationship became more hedonistic and convivial as one morning after pulling an all nighter poring over scabby low grade pdf. Files and microfilm Mr. Kribbage asked me for a smoke, and I accidentally furnished him with a joint instead of a roll-up.

I saw no point in concealing the deed. The herb rolfed around us, students tore past at top speed- desperately thrashing out their gibberish youngster talk, simultaneously enticing and disgusting.

It was home grown, from a friend- I had for a while toyed with the idea of getting some clippings and growing some myself put was put off by the technicality and polava of buying and setting up the requisite lights and the whole idea of hydroponics filled me with dread. As far as I was concerned the entire concept of Hydroponics lay within the dubious realm of science fiction: and really that’s where it should stay.

He assured me that I need not worry, his stint as an experimental alchemist had produced some startling discoveries. Originally he had amused himself pursuing the age old quest of turning various base metals into gold. Purely for profit, this had been stalled somewhat when the supply of lead at his local scrap yard had become scarce- he did for a time indulge in free-lance raiding of houses and out buildings in his local area- but this proved dangerous and risky business. Twice he had been cautioned by Grampian police’s finest for scaling decrepit out-houses, luckily his quick wits deflected the Officers line of enquiry- amazing what a surreptitious dousing of alcohol to the head and mouth will do to convince some one that one’s true nature was not burglar but piss-head climbing enthusiast. And of course the rabidly fake French accent also helped.

“ I think you’ve had to much to drink sir, why don’t you allow us to escort you to an alcohol assessment centre- where you can scrutinise the nature of your need to imbibe such large quantities of alcohol.”

“ Ah, yis, a would very mich like to how you say unacompany you but this ‘ere building shall bend to my climbing skill- I mist prove my mettles”

One officer grins, not even attempting to conceal his thoughts behind a politely raised hand over mouth.

“he’s ‘een of those frenchy climbing nuts! Ken like them folk that charge about jumping of buildings an that.”

Accompanying officer snorts in agreement..

“he’s a bit old for that ‘aint he? Ach well you live and learn…”

After roughly the same scenario occurred twice in one week Mr Kribbage decided that this ad-hock raiding and procurement was far too dangerous, and his alchemy took on a new twist, he tried new substances- astounded at his experimental audacity and inventiveness; tetra packs, discarded televisions, couches, a wheely bin, a seagull ( stunned with a length of wood) before finally striking it lucky and hitting upon a combination that produced startling results.

It turned out that a quantity of discarded lager bottles ( the right mixture of brands, and levels of dregs contained within was essential) and syphoned fresh piss from the portable urination pyramids that were dotted round the central streets of Aberdeen of a Friday, Saturday and Sunday night for the relief of revellers produces a fantastic substance that he dubbed “wreckage”. Interestingly for a man in his condition this wreckage was far more valuable than his initial goal of producing gold. What he was going to do with large ingots of gold anyway was something he had not really thought through- in a moment of rare sensibility he concluded that the best way to handle any gold that he produced was to boldly produce a nugget of the valuable metal in lieu of cash at the local spar. He always found the drones of the kingdom of spar to be particularly susceptible to reasoned and forceful lunacy. But no matter. He had found something far better than gold.

His crabby journal’s recorded the experimentation with his newly forged wreckage. He handed me two of them, detailing the most pertinent facts relating to his study. Meeting a scabby Junkie on the street one night out gathering piss and bottles he had somehow cajoled the human heroin hoover into the back of a taxi and back to his sprawling period town house in old Aberdeen. How he managed this is beyond me, how he managed to regularly convince Taxi drivers to transport empty bottles and containers of piss was also equally unfathomable to me. He, did it has to be said, have a sort of disarming muddled charm that made folk think the better of him. He seemed to broadcast a befuddled stand-down order to all that came within his range. People took him as odd, but not a threat, and as a consequence he could go about his business without remark or rebuke.

And that he did.

Mr Kribbage had retired to the warm glow of the fire, pulling a chair close to the hearth. Humming lightly to himself.

“ read them, they will tell you more than my dim recollections will, and after you have read them we shall talk some more- you will no doubt have questions to put to me on what you find in those note-books”

I examined the first of the two ram shackle volumes, the scribbling of the lunatic was not unknown to me. On certain investigations in the past I had looked into what on the surface at any rate appeared to be genuine happenings, but they eventually turned out to be the spiralling intertwined threads of mania and mental illness. I was getting so good at spotting these folk that I began to think that I could identify a crank with just a cursory inspection of the subjects hand-writing.

From the neat and almost decorative script of Mr. Kribbage I caught no whiff of insanity, and for that matter I caught no hint of a sense of humour either- here was a man that had been shaped by the terse discipline of academia- his prose was stilted, lumpen, overly detailed, ponderous and jaw-droppingly dull.

The facts that he related in those hastily assembled word bundles were once examined anything but dull…….

His rabid theories on hydroponic growth of human organs veered off into the realms of far fetched fantasy. The margins of the document’s were infested with surreal cryptic doodles- genital’s twisted and distorted, mutilated and re-constructed body forms, strange constructions that could have been buildings on some new world or micro-cellular globules and nuclea.

He was fucking eccentric that was for sure.

Somewhere along the line he related his condition.

It first came to light in the summer of his 27th year. He lamented his fate in this year, having reached the age of the rock star death. Like Hendrix, Morrison and Cobain he imagined his corpse and legacy. Intertwined like a Gustav Klimt picture, except without all that fucking stupid gold paint, it was so cheap and garish looking.

Death lurked, his skull tarnished a putrid purple.

And the opiates.

He could devour them.

Later on, we could talk no more. With an almighty clatter in the Cabin, he fell to bits, bones everywhere, his skull slowly rolled towards me- coming to a halt facing my feet. Between the teeth there was a neatly folded bit of paper, I reached down, pulled the paper out, along with all his teeth, rattling the wooden floorboards. Unfolding it the message was clearly in the handwriting of Kribbage, now in bits all over the shop. It read simply:

HIMMIN. gather me up and stick me in the over-winter box. Theres exactly 345 bones in me, dinnae miss any, if you do try and concentrate on getting the important bits, I can get replacements smelted on the other side of winter. All the best. XXXX.

PS. Don’t leave the Cabin, till at least january, – notes on this on notebook three, pp180-pp256


I dead read those sections, and followed up a few links on the cabin web. Stuck. well fuck it there was nothing I could do but wait the winter out right here. I gathered the bones up and stuck them in the box.

I had a few basic chores to do. I’d slowly taken them over from the old man as he failed and diminished. Basic stuff, firewood, water, prepping food, the harpoon- now essential as i couldn’t leave the cabin. So that was it. Nothing to do for nearly three months. Read, write and potter about. –

I spent a guid ten minutes just toying with the idea of trying to get in touch with anybody…that.

I pulled out a volume. It was part of Kribbage’s fieldwork. But It wasn’t recorded on the University records of his research- I’d heard of Union Square, but it was all rumour. I’d even been there a couple of times, once to buy a new jumper, and another time for a couple of executions and once the trial of a witch. That ended badly, I had no idea up to that point how much guts and puddens were inside the average human. och well.

Oh aye, and I did see the Bone reader and the Skull Teacher do a live ritual there. Mental.

It was it turns out as I leaf through it simply a guide to other volumes of note books- probably down stairs. There were large extracts, and when Kribbage was giving his own direct evidence the original’s were included in full.

stick this into ON Wreckage_copy and paste min—-It’s a Kribbage anecdote-

I left the union square report in the bus station. Now im compromised.

union square: an investigation. 5th edition, updated, redacted, scribbled on and dipped in salad cream. don’t be mean, that’s a bad scene.


It started with just one strange incident, maybe 7 years ago, I was working in one of the retail slave blocks outwith the main mall, on the out skirts, less prestigious, but still withing the happy hunting ground, a gaggle of biebers with squeeky voices, stupid clothes and daft wobbly stork leg walks had been in the top floor doing fucking crazy shit like throwing beads around and trying to mock butt fuck a giant paper mache elephant. We had to throw the little fuckers out. It was the same every friday night. Stupid little bams.

They were being proper uppity, eventually I had to threaten them with the store prison sex rapist. That eventually worked, but they threw a bucket of menopausal milk freshly squeezed from morags low hanging teats over the window of the store.

And—the suicides, the dark energy. The corridors that didn’t lead anywhere. Dead ends with non functioning CCTV cameras. And of course, the lower levels. Dusty cars with cocks drawn on them. Countless abandoned vehicles. Stacks of pallets. Celotex, of the dangerous cladding type. Flammable. Not all anecdotal. Kribbage had ventured off the grid, and below the grid. Even locating three or possibly four levels down another three giant U shapes. Much bigger than those installed outside of the Mall. These were cut from a strange greenish stone, and of a much larger scale. Again, all electronic recordings and evidence of these had disappeared.

Another entry:

This is happening in the near future:

Development/expansion- including the expansion of Cineworld to full-bore IMAX potential (this itself is a ruse, IMAX screens are used for cognitive cock-knockery and fucktastic gathering of negative population controlling energy, see my first paper on the rise of the IMAX phenomenon c.2013- link to be embedded)

Union Square itself and the new shopping clusterfuck that is being constructed near the Council building, itself a building of dubious merit, a sand blasted radioactive monolith. EVIL oozes from it.

Charting the position of various notable black/negative energy sites in ABZ brings startling information to the fore.

It forms a map of a giant jizzy cock, a deeply symbolic symbol that symbolises symbollockly the dark and insidious nature of the semi-hidden ruling cabal’s of the shit stained grey granite strewn oil capital of Europe.

  1. TROPES and Mandarins.
  2. Steve
  4. Kev: King of the Bellends
  6. Chris, on the barrier.
  8. crackling cacklez
  10. no zip code
  12. a welders funeral
  14. fit he said, well he would though- the boys a cunt.
  16. he read it in the entrails
  18. Garry- further research
  19. ON THE RUN
  20. stabby belt recriminations

And another:

I really should find an outlet for my rage, I mean investigating the New World Order site in Aberdeen (Union Square shopping centre and it’s top secret underground levels-report coming soon in PDF format and Kindle book) is all well and good, but it’s such hard work collating all that anecdotal evidence, Videos and photographs- I also have many sound files/recordings, some my own recorded on my investigations and some passed onto me by contacts at Union Square.

My plans are forming on how to proceed further with this investigation, but it will require a significant injection of funding. I’m toying with approaching private funding- or perhaps some sort of Kickstarter type of arrangement. There is certainly plenty of money in Aberdeen- but the main problem with that is that many of the sources of private funding will have vested interests in my project, and indeed many of them (THEM) would know doubt seek to see my investigations terminated.

That aside.

My other passion is the upcoming General Election. I’ve been doing my bit to engage with people but I do find it very hard to deal with people who express views that I don’t myself hold. I have a creeping desire to correct them, permanently. A final solution to dissent if you will.

I’m not keen on getting my hands dirty though, hopefully I could encourage some low-brow minions to carry out the actual grunt work.

It’s an idea that I have been pushing heavily in meetings of my un-thinking-tanked-up-think-tank– THE PROJECT FOR THE NEW SCOTCH CENTURY. Everybody just tells me to shut up though, that really doesnt mean I’m wrong though, I just need to convince people of the merit of my ideas.

I can release the following series of images RE:The dark energy of Union square.


the ither night. bbc qt doodles

Thursdays are pretty guid cross platform entertainment wise. It’s grand. tablet, phone, desktop and sometimes but not a lot the TV. I kinda stopped watching TV a long time ago. Sometimes I chromecast silly stuff whilst bathing Isla just to fuck with whatever human click bait mckenzie is streaming. I tend to always watch FMQ’s for the sheer stupid doltishness of the opposition parties and Sturgeons patience turning to barely contained exasperation. then it’s bbcqt and this week with pube hair, postie, and whatever other gits they round up.

Sometimes I shut off and treat it as radio and doodle. This week I did that. and rather than podiums, dimbleby and whatever gimps were there I transitioned this from my brain box to paper via dip pen and ink. Fuck KNOWS min.

bbc qt doodle 19-04-18

Oh well, you can’t argue with that. I did about four of them, all with that central figure. The girl or guy with the space suit on. Guid for a change yeah? Looking forward to colouring them in on the digital platform or in the real realm who can tell.

It’s a tuff gig.

the state of my edits.

This is still on the Kindle site. it’s actually two ideas for stories. I quite like them, but mostly other people didn’t. I’ve acres of this stuff. Craig has been feeling out the idea of basing an album on another story, that’s also half finished- The Lo-tone, or The LOW-TONE. It’s a bit of a kirn, and disnae really go anywhere then stops. I’m currently pretending to edit it by scribbling over a print out and drawing cocks on it.

No, I really am. That’s what I’m doing now after finally stopping vomiting and skittering. I’m blaming that on my enthusiasm for the reduced to clear section at my local mini- Tesco up the road. Dodgy cheese, and I think a slightly fusty salad with rank peppers. I should have just stuck to the fresh eggs and RTC Bread. It seems fine. It was either that or I didn’t wash my hands properly while cleaning up the massive amount of dog shit in our garden.


Somewhere in amongst all this stuff is some sort of SAGA that’s all interconnected.

show yer working

and that’s just a few of them.

Inserts Bloody Seagull sign off. Then can’t find it- uses Glitter shitter image instead.


Also, rather than mistaking stars for angel wings, I just mistook a garden tool for a canary. I think I’m dehydrated.

BYE BYE EDF: part two.

first move was the 27th of march.


It’s now Sunday, the 8th of April. I knew at some point I would need to take a reading from the meters, but by fuck could I find the bloody little plastic key for the gas box outside. Anyway turns out it was in one of the cluttered to fuck drawers in the kitchen. and, the day I found it a guy comes round to read both meters. Happily he stood on a dod of cat shit reading the electricity meter in the house, and after a slightly irritating conversation about where I would get a replacement key (Screwfix obv) I managed to jot down the gas reading afore he waddled gout like up the road. Then I found the key where I’d looked a heap of times before.


I submitted a reading for both today, and because the app is so cool I also included a photo for each. I think now I’m off to cancel the EDF direct debit, but might hang fire in case they need it to send me any money they owe me, as I’m pretty sure I’m paying over the odds.

I’m moving to this lot.



It’s non profit apparently, and unlike other gas/electric companies there is a tenner membership charge. Not figured out if this is included in the charge they said I’d pay, but I’ll find out. Also whats cool is they make allowances for warmer and colder periods of the year- the usual is, wow you seem to be in credit, we’ll keep your money but lower your direct debit, which just means it goes up again when the weather gets colder. Anyhow. Seems to be going fine so far. Away to imput the same readings into the EDF web interface so that all three tally up.

It certainly seems cheaper, even with variables the whole lot is much cheaper with Pure Planet. Afore with EDF I was chucking out circa 180 buck a month. Starts at circa 120 buck for this lot. but, aye, I’ll see how it works out.



Ken fit like, as ever:

OH: this just popped into my GEE_MALE inboxer: TAH_DAH! more good news.

the best bit so far, I noticed that my payment was coming out around the twelfth. I’d already been charged for EDF. e-mailed them explaining and they got back with this. neatly moving the direct debit to after pay day. GREAT BUNCH OF LADZ.